The language of Turkish love

“The fascinating country of Turkey has a rich culture of wedding traditions, which vary throughout its cities, provinces and villages” By Helen Schrader

The Historical marriage arrangements

In the past there were numerous different kind of marriages, especially in the rural areas of Turkey. It was the custom to pay a dowry to the brides family. Occasionally, a family with a son and their daughter of marriagable age would marry their daughter into another family with a son and daughter, therefore cancelling out the need for a dowry.

In the past, marriages in turkey was arranged in the case of the death of a brother, where they became widowed sister in law was wed with a single or widower brother in law (Levirat). Thus, it was also possible for a sister to be married to a deceased sister husband (Soroat). This was then practiced in order for them to keep the inheritance in the family and for their children’s welfare. 

Searching for a bride

In the traditional Turkish setting, the prospective groom’s family will search for a suitable wife within the family, close friends and neighbourhood circles. Goruculuk is the process of many women taking over the search hunt for women and visiting potentials bride’s families. However, once a women has been found and is suitable, she and her family are given time to do their research about the guy and his family. The girls side of the family does this investigation to see if they guy is suitable for the girl and they have no past history. Today, especially within less conservative families, couples form their own friendship and are then able to commence their relationship and make decisions on when it’s suitable for them to get married. 

Agreement to marry and the Engagement

It is very rare for a new couple to marry without the permission and blessing of both families. The prospective groom will need to ask the woman’s hand in marriage (kiz isteme). During the evening the bride is expected to make an absolute perfect Turkish coffee for the guests. Once an agreement is reached an engagement party is planned, it usually happens at the bride’s house. At the groom’s house, guests will gather together and then will need to proceed to bride’s house afternoon lunch. However, the bride is then dressed in an engagement dress and jewellery is then given to her by her mother-in-law and the groom’s relatives immediate or extended family. Although, there is an exchange of engagement rings, which are then tied with a red ribbon and is then place on their right finger by an important person from the family. Modern day engagement are often held at outside venues to be able to celebrate with the family and friends with live music and entertainment and food feast. 

Wedding

In Turkey all marriages are expected to have a legal ceremony to be conducted, often all couples will have religious ceremony just a few days before the legalities are completed. Weddings today in the cities are more modern circle are much more like western style weddings, with a wedding the reception for the family and friends of the couples. Bachelorette parties for the bride and her female friends are a suitable for the traditional pre-wedding henna evening. The following traditions will then provide a glimpse of the fascinating wedding ceremonies of earlier times in rural and within more conservative families.

Planting of the Turkish flag by friends of the groom at his house, this indicates to everyone that a wedding is to be taken in place.

A gathering for all the ladies only on the night before the wedding day is usually known by henna night (kina Gecesi). Thus, on this occasion the bride will dress in purple or red dress and have a red veil to be placed over her head. The groom’s side of the family will then bring a tray of henna balls. Firstly she will then place a gold coin in the palm of the bride’s hand and then a piece of henna is placed over the coin and the hands of the brides will be wrapped in gauze and in red glove until the henna has been set. Songs are sung, some of these can be sad and emotional as the girl is leaving her father house, but then again with it will liven the ladies up by the music, dancing, singing, feasting and just enjoying and having a wonderful time.

A fun tradition has the bride including the single ladies amongst her friends and family. Single female friends will then ask the bride to write their names on the soles of her wedding day shoes. Thus, after the ceremony, the bride greets her guests, walks into the room, the guests then dancers the night away wearing her wedding day hells. At the end of the evening, the ladies will check the soles to see whose names have I worn away and whose names I haven’t.  If your name has been worn away that means you’ve been destined to marry soon, alas, if your full name still appears, a wedding is not in your immediate family. 

Fetching the bride

One this day the groom’s party set out to fetch the brides in their decorated cars. The bridge wears a white dress with a red or a white veil over her face and a red ribbon tied at the end of the bride’s waist. Often the women waiting with the bride will pin gold coins to her red ribbon or place gold bangles on her wrist. When the bride arrives in the groom’s village she is met by the groom and they can be accompanied by a procession of the drums and pipes. Turkish weddings are big events with the guests list running into the hundreds.

However, more gold coins on the bridge or placed more or gold in a basket. Money and gold are the appreciated gift. During the wedding dinner there is traditional music, snging and dancing. Both father from the groom’s and bride side perform the dance of the fathers and are showered with notes and gold coins. A huge wedding cake appears and is cut to be eaten after dinner with tea.

           

By Shabnam Mangal

Sources: 

Schrader, Helen. "Cite A Website - Cite This For Me". Aroosjoon.com. Retrieved from: https://www.aroosjoon.com/en/article/Turkish-Wedding-Rituals-and-Traditions